Santa Claus is a mythical character who normally associated with Christmas. I still remember hanging my dirty old socks on the wall hoping that I will get candies the next day but disappointingly, the socks only filled up with Vit C tablets.

Mom successfully convinced me that Santa tries to eliminate the alarming level of diabetic every year. Therefore, as part of his resolution, he swapped candies with Vit C tablets instead.

Christmas never appears as what shown in the TV to me as I stay in house with no chimney, in an equator country that snow is close to impossible to produce naturally and not to mention, reindeer only appears in zoo. Ohh.. and the pirated Santa is either too thin or wearing a wig or sometime is black :p (just an analogy.. I have nothing against black).

When I reach my puberty (er.. like yesterday), whole story on Santa is completely faded off until I read found this poem while busy surfing the net. Yes.. I still google to locate where is Santa!

Now, I know why real Santa is long gone. Have a read .. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

‘Twas the night before Christmas–Old Santa was pissed,

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I’ve busted my a** for damn near a year,

Instead of “Thanks Santa”–what do I hear?

The old lady b**ches cause I work late at night,

The elves want more money–The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better,

Those ***holes from the IRS sent me a letter.

They say I owe taxes–if that ain’t damn funny,

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days–they all are the pits,

They want the impossible–Those mean little s**ts

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,

Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads.

I made a ton of yo yo’s–No request for them,

They want computers and robots…they think – I’m IBM!

Flying through the air…dodging the trees,

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.

I’m quitting this job there’s just no enjoyment,

I’ll sit on my fat a** and draw unemployment.

There’s no Christmas this year now you know the reason,

I found me a blonde. I’m going SOUTH for the season

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