JokeSS
Great minds never think alike. I don’t know who claim that they do think alike but they are definitely not. There is a saying, “The smarter you are, the dumber you are!” By taking the words literally and by no means of disrespect, Einstein was the smartest and the dumbest guy on earth.
I overheard a story but I cannot confirm if this story is genuine. While travelling on the train, train conductor always checks for ticket to minimize the possibility of the passenger boarding the train without valid travel passes. This is quite common for school children as they can then save the money for something else.
While doing his routine check, he approached Mr. Einstein for a ticket. Mr. Einstein tried to reach all this pockets, wallet, briefcase etc to look for his ticket but he was unable to locate it. The conductor said, “It is ok, Mr. Einstein. You don’t need to show your ticket. I know you and I know you have your ticket. Normally, I will pay more attention to school kids.”
Half an hour later, he still sees Mr. Einstein is trying to look for up and down for his ticket. He walked towards Mr. Einstein and said politely, “Mr. Einstein, I thought I said you do not need to show me your ticket??” Mr. Einstein replied, “Well, I still need to know where I am going, right?”
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A lovely couple has been married for almost 40 years now but the unique thing about this couple is that they never quarrel. This is not new to locals and all of them called them love birds. Not to exaggerate but many are curious about their secret.
So, one day, national TV called them for interview. The couple happily shared their marriage life and their ups and down. Yes, there are down times but both of them face all the hiccups together without any quarrel. HOW DO THEY DO IT?
Interviewer: I heard that both of you never quarrel, even on big or small things. Is that correct?
Husband and Wife: Yes.
Interviewer: Many are curious as this is not common especially for old married couple. Can you share with us your secret?
Husband: There is no secret at all. I got no problem to share with others. The trick is, splitting the responsibility.
Interviewer: What do you mean by that?
Husband: I normally handle major problems and she always handles minor problems. With that, we will tremendously reduce the potential conflicts that lead to argument.
Wife: Yea, he and his odd concept but apparently it works.
Interviewer: May I ask, how do you categorize major problems and minor problems.
Husband: I am not a President of US but anything to do with the world, war, global warming etc.. that is big. So, I will handle it.
Interviewer: Then what about minor problems?
Wife: Anything other than that will be minor problems and I have to handle it.
Interviewer: ….
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Back in high school, I remember an exam question stated like this, “Which of the following is considered as a private place?” A. sex organ B. Toilet C. Exam Room. I have the impression that this is a tricky one and I nearly flung this question but finally I got it right.. It is toilet.
IF sex organ, it is supposed to be private part and not private place, so that is definitely no no and I bet many students will not consider Exam Room as private place as there are a lot of them trying to sneak around for answers 
You must be wondering why such a simple question makes me so confuse. Well, normally in male toilet, many are standing while doing their small business. That small space still consider as a private place? You tell me. My point is not to tell you how confusing I am but it reminds me of the recent incident about this “private place”.
While doing my small business, I heard something quite confusing. Let me share with you what I hear and maybe you can help to clear my confusion. This is coming from one of the door.
An iPhone rang.. How I know? From the iconic ringtone, of course. I don’t need your help on that. Then, I heard something drop, something solid drops in the water. That is judging from the sound of it… and this is the part where I need your help. The phone ring stops and a guy shouted, “Shit!” ..So, the question is this.. Is iPhone drops or the shit?
Maybe, you can keep the answer to yourself. I don’t really want to know as both are equally disgusting.. just that one is expensively disgusting and the other one is not. Don’t you think?
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I found some pretty hilarious facts and would like to share with all of you. This is what I capture from The Costwolds Estate Magazines. Oh yea.. I started reading magazines
1. Unsolicited Swing Advice Guy
Defining characteristics: Knows exactly how to fix your swing even though you didn’t ask. Employs a vast array of swing jargon that only confuse you further
Favorite expression: “Wait, try this!”
2. The Human Rain Delay
Defining characteristics: Thinks he is honoring spirit of the game by never picking up. Not in the spirit of the game, dragging his foursome through a three-and-a-half hour front nine.
Favorite expression: “Put me down for a 10”.
3. Cell Phone Guy
Defining characteristics: Consider golf course an extension of his office, home, therapist’s couch, etc. Has perfected the balancing phone-on-the shoulder wedge shot.
Favorite expression: “You guys hit, I gotta take this”.
4. The Cart Girl Schmoozer
Defining characteristics: Convinced he’s got a shot with the cart girl. Would be crushed to learn she offered the same flirty laugh and bag of nuts to foursome of geeks up ahead.
Favorite expression: “We’ll take four beers and one more smile, darling”.
5. The Parking Lot Pro
Defining characteristics: Color-coordinated outfit, matching logos and oversized tour bag suggest he’s played professionally. Topped drive off the first tee suggests otherwise.
Favorite expression: “These are the same shoes Tiger wears”.
6. The Air Counter
Defining characteristics: Can’t remember his score without reliving every shot in detail.
Favorite expression: “One in the pond, two drop, three back in the pond. Four I had that funky lie in the bunker and left it in the bunker …”
7. The Frat Boy
Defining characteristics: Unable to fathom a round of golf without a steady stream of adult beverages. Idea of restraint is to hold off drinking … until the second hole.
Favorite expression: “A few beers will loosen up that swing!”
8. Cigar Guy
Defining characteristics: The easiest golfer to locate on the course thanks to waft of smoke trailing behind him. Oblivious to playing partners struggling for air – and the ash droppings on his belly.
Favorite expression: “Straight from Havana, baby!”
9. The Sandbagger
Defining characteristics: The 15 handicap who is somehow playing “much better” than he has in years. Feigns apology when he drops bunker shot within inches of cup, then kicks sand off his shoes like a tour pro.
Favorite expression: “I guess it’s just one of those day …”
10. Oblivious Guy
Defining characteristics: So preoccupied with his own game never looks for anyone else’s ball. When driving a cart, always blows past your ball and heads directly to his.
Favorite expression: “But enough about me. What do YOU think of my swing?”
11. Ball Retriever Guy
Defining characteristics: Never passes a water hazard without his trusty scoop at the ready. Last bought a new sleeve of balls in the late 80s.
Favorite expression: “Whoa! A ProV1!”
12. The Volcano
Defining characteristics: Has unique ability to allow even the most pleasant days to be soured by any bad swing, bounce, or lie. Relies on Ball Retriever Guy to occasionally fetch clubs out of lake.
Favorite expression: “[Not printable]”
13. Delusional Guy
Defining characteristics: Forces group to wait on every par 5 because he’s convinced he can get home in two. Usually get there in four.
Favorite expression: “If I really catch it, I can get there.”
14. Mulligan Guy
Defining characteristics: Liberally allows himself another whack even when first shot is findable.
Favorite expression: “Wait, wait, wait. I gotta try another.”
15. The Plumb Bobber
Defining characteristics: The only guy in the group not to notice the foursome behind yelling from the fairway as he lines up his putt for double from every angle imaginable.
Favorite expression: “Son of a gun, I actually think it goes both ways!”
16. Yardage Book Guy
Defining characteristics: Has to walk off every blade of grass before hitting. After contemplating whether a shot is 176 yards or 178, ends up hitting in 150.
Favorite expression: “I can’t decide if it’s a hard 7 or soft 6”
17. The Cheat
Defining characteristics: A sympathetic figure when he pushes his tee shot deep in the woods. Not as sympathetic: When he announces his ball somehow stayed in bounds with a clear shot to the green!
Favorite expression: “Better to be lucky than good!”
18. The Overcelebrater
Defining characteristics: Treats every holed three footer as if just won the Masters. Has sent multiple playing partners home early thanks to overzealous chest bumping.
Favorite expression: “Yes SIR!”
Do you agree with all above?
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Before I went to bed yesterday, a friend of mine sent me something that I find it hilarious. Personally, I find this whole conversation is very cute and simply funny.
Pregnant Lady: When I sleep I cover myself with duvet, right? So, the baby will also cover with duvet too, right?
Father To Be: Yea.. you worry that baby catches cold? Don’t be too anxious, dear.
Pregnant Lady: Nola, I am just wondering if I fart will the baby faint?
Father To Be: What makes you think so?
Pregnant Lady: Well, even when I smell it I nearly want to faint.
Father To Be: Don’t worry about it, dear. The baby is protected by womb but if you worry about it, don’t fart then! At least I don’t need to wear mask when I sleep.
Pregnant Lady: Hah, then it is even worse. If I fart, she is protected by womb. But if I hold the fart, then the fart will flow backward and go directly inside the womb.. then how leh?
Father To Be: …..
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Last week, when I walked around city centre, I saw couple of hotties walked passed my line of sight. Without losing a few second of my life, my attention was diverted to what I called it “the nice scenery”.
Believe it or not, there are not only couple of hotties but a line full with hour glass figures. For a split second, I thought they are queuing for me but when reality kicks in, I realized they were actually lining up for salad.
The stalls attracted so many young PHAT girls which make me incline to setup a salad store to maximize my “circle of friends”. Since I don’t have the chance to open one, I decided to queue up for salad too.
Half way while queuing up, something came across my mind. Have you ever wonder, girl eating salad is like cow eating grass but why cow is fat but girl is not?
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Fart is a situation when your body expels intestinal gas via the anus. Farting in public is generally considered as rude but this is a normal reflect. Not every fart can be controlled, right?. You might get away with the silent one but be prepared for excuses when you sense the exploding one coming.
The best trick is, you start pinching your nose, wave your hand as if you are about to suffocate or maybe start to questions the people beside you if they did scent an awful smell. Statistic shows that you have 80% chances of getting away. The other 20% is when you are in a lift with only 2 people.
However, statistic also shows 99% of success rate if you fart noisily in loud and noisy area such as places with loud music and get away with it. WHAT is the other 1% then? Here is the story..
Bob suffers from post food poisoning symptom where he needs to pass smelly gas frequently. Knowing the statistic above, he always looks for a noisy place to release the ‘air’.
One day, while he was eating in a very loud environment, he wanted to do it again. Realizing that the surrounding was filled with loud musics, he gave a combo shot that lasted about 5 mins. You can see the release in his face but everyone beside him starts to stare at him with annoying face.
He was wondering how other people knew since he cannot even hear his own fart. Few minutes later, he realized he was on headset.
Lesson Learnt: Don’t always think you can get away with evil thought. Sooner or later, it will hunt you down
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While doing her gardening, Anne noticed her neighbor Bob is digging a hole at the back yard. Bob is just another weird person in the neighborhood. So, nobody really pay much attention to him. He is single and living with his gold fish, Bill.
You can guess how odd Bob can be when he starts naming his fish. Not only that, he tend to be over engage with Bill that sometimes, he can speaks to Bill for hours.
After her gardening, Anne peeps again at Bob and he is still digging. Bob looks very sad which prompt Anne to ask, “Hi Bob, is everything alright? You look upset.” Bob lifelessly replied, “My gold fish, Bill died earlier today. I am trying to build a grave for him.”
Hearing this, Anne start to wonder why Bob need such a big hole to bury his gold fish. So, she curiously asked, “Why you need such a big hole to bury, Bill? He is just a goldfish? Ohh by the way, did you see my cat?
Bob replied, “Bill dies because he was eaten by a cat, so I need a bigger hole to bury Bill.”
Lesson Learnt: Sometime, weird people can be dangerous because they are unpredictable. Be careful when you come across one.
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Genius is someone who has IQ more than 180 and up or as many called it profoundly gifted. Not many people in this world can be labeled as genius and so far, I know Albert Einstein and Leonardo Da Vinci are the famous few.
With gifted ability, Bob seems like manage to figure everything out. Life become dull to him as he has nothing to look forward and no problem is challenging enough to excite him. He started to become arrogant and continue to ace every exam that possibly human can think of.
If the exam takes 2 hours, he only takes 10 minutes to complete with perfect score. Knowing this, a teacher suggests Bob to take an exam called Time Management. If he aced it this time, he will be exempted for any kind of test in future.
Bob is very excited. Not because he knows he can do well again but he loves the challenging sensation and the take of not needing to undergo the boring exam ever again. So, he agrees to sit in for the exam.
Like usual Bob get all the answers correct but he still flung the exam. He was really surprise and approaches the teacher curiously. The teacher commended that he is the first student who get all the answer correct but the test is not just about getting the answer right.
The teacher explained, “Bob, you fail because your handwriting turns from good to bad in the exam.” Bob surprise questioned, “But, you can still read it. That is why I got all the exam answer right!”
The teacher patiently responded, “Bob, you still didn’t get it don’t you? This test is all about time management. The gradual changes in handwriting from good to bad are the best evidence of poor time management.”
Lesson learnt: Not a single person in this world is perfect. Be thankful for what you have but always continue to learn new things to keep your brain active.
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Cricket is a bat and ball game. Not the Batman bat but it is club bat bat. Cricket can be traced back to Tudor times in early 16th century England. Oh yea it has a very long history, long before you and me.
The game is widely play in England, India, New Zealand, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, South Africa and many parts of the world. People talk about it like people talk about football.
Sometimes, people challenge each on cricket game to show the sign of sportsmanship, teamwork and checking who the best is!
When comes to check who the best is, Chinese always want to be part of the major society. So, they crashed into world community and wanting to challenge on cricket. They thought they are the best and have been playing with it since ancient Chinese dynasty era.
On the duel day, everyone come with their gears, bats, uniforms and ready to roll except Chinese. You wouldn’t believe that Chinese did not come with their sport gears but they bring a tumbler instead. Everyone is puzzled and the ambience turned into pin drop silence.
While everyone thought they are referring cricket as bat and ball game, Chinese thought it is a cricket (insects that produce chirping sound) fight..
Lesson Learnt: Get your facts right before challenging anyone!
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