A close friend of mine was lost in KL when he called me for help.
Alvin: Hey buddy. Can you do me a favor? I am lost.
Buddy: Yes. Where are you?
Alvin: I don’t know where am I. I am not familliar with KL roads. Can you please guide me to KLCC (Kuala Lumpur City Centre)?
Buddy: Don’t worry, I am here. Can you please tell me the nearest landmark.
Alvin: I can see two very tall buildings with a bridge in the middle from here. It seems like the buildings are connected.
A hotel was in fire when this conversation was recorded.
Panic : There is no way out. The main exit is blocked by fire.
Calm : I am suffocating in here. The smoke is too thick. We need to break the window.
Panic : No. Don’t break the window. The window is too expensive and I cannot afford it.
Calm : That is the only escape route. We can jump out of the building and save ourselves.
Panic : That is suicide. I will die if I jump out. I rather stay here.
Calm : We are on ground floor…
An interview was carried out with a man specifically requested for an emergency exit seat in the plane.
Reporter : Sir, can I ask why you requested for an emergency exit seat? Is it because of the leg room?
Passenger : No, because I can be the first person to exit the plane in the event of emergency.
Reporter : I noticed that you have your passport on your pocket rather than in the bag, why?
Passenger : Ohh, so that I can be identified if the plane crashes.
A smoke detector went off in kitchen when I saw my 4-year-old nephew, walks calmly to the door, wears his shoe and walks to the field. After put off the small fire, I walked upstairs and asked my 18-year-old cousin, “Why are you still here, you didn’t hear the alarm?” He answered, “It is just a test”.
Last week, a health officer gave a talk on Computer Vision Syndrome. He suggested us to look away from the computer screen every 10-15 minutes and focus for 5-10 seconds on a distant green objects. He also shares that everyone tends to stare at the computer and blink less, about 5 times less than normal.
After the talk, a colleague of mine starts staring at the computer and keep blinking his eyes every 15 min. When I walked closer, I noticed that he has green landscape wallpaper.
When moving to KL, the movers help us to pack our belongings. The supervisor said to me, “Sir, this is the ‘first box’, you can put every important things e.g. bolts & nuts of your furniture, important documents, photos etc. and we will take a good care of it”.
After two weeks, the shipment arrived. I am happy that all my furniture arrived safely when the supervisor said “Sir, we unable to install all your furniture as we are still locating your ‘first box’ but don’t worry, we will take a good care of it”.
Biologically, men are narrow minded as compare to women. That applies to the way they see things as well.
A fat man looks into mirror and says, “hmm..I am looking great and slim”.
A slim and sexy women looks into mirror and says, “OMG.. I need to cut down my carb, no chocolate and no ice-cream”.
Two passengers are boarding a plane and discussing about plane safety.
A : I don’t think that we are safe to board the plane. Maybe there will be a guy carrying a gun and will do something dangerous.
B : Don’t be ridiculous. The statistics show that the possibility of a man carrying a gun in a plane is one in a million. Besides, I reduce the possibility to half.
A : How can you be so sure?
B : Well, because I carry the gun myself and I am not going to shoot at myself or you.
It is a bad weather when a marine communication system captures these between two incorporative channels when they see some flashing lights.
Com 1: Mayday! Mayday! This is a big warship and requesting you to not block our path and give way.
Com 2: Please clear your path. This is an order! Repeat. Please clear your path. This is an order!
Com 1: We have heavy artillery. If you block our path, we will have to shoot you down.
Com 2: We are lighthouse. Do you read me! We are lighthouse.